What If You Can't Run Anymore?

I had always excitedly spoken about running and about how running makes me happy. One day, a friend asked me, "What if you can't run anymore?" In my heart, I sort of knew that I would continue doing something even if it meant paralympics as to quit never really seem like an option.

So it finally happened. I literally couldn't run. I couldn't bend my knees nor my ankles. I had trouble walking what more about running. I could barely walk up the stairs. The pain of it was amplified by the fact that the heart and soul wanted to run so badly - so badly.

Having a long list of runners on my Facebook didn't quite help. Each week, I flipped through Facebook and saw where someone would run or how long and how far a runner or a hiker would go, my heart cringed in pure envy. I was mostly staying in-house for more than 2 months. It was depressing for me to look at Facebook. I quit looking at it.

There was a day when I tried to do TRX and having to bend my ankles, the skin around my ankles broke badly I had to quit bending immediately.

In the past couple of years, I counted how many runs I could do in a year. Now, I counted how many runs I would miss this year.

In those house-bound days, the question frequently popped in my head: What if You Can't Run Anymore?

When I couldn't run, I counted my blessings instead. What I saw and felt was a lot of love and the amount of love compensated the fact that I couldn't run. I may be robbed of running but I wasn't robbed of love and that kept me going forward. Cheesy but true story!

Thank you, Love.

Right now that I'm healing, sweaty times are back. Hiked in the rain and TRX at home with friends. Binge eating with hope to pull back my muscles and weight into place.

Chanting my daily mantra: Just Do It.

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Penang Run 2013 - 2014 Esplanade to Teluk Kumbar

Navigating my way through

Distance: 21km
Pace: 8.42"/km
Time: 6.30 am
Location: Esplanade to Teluk Kumbar, Penang

Running is so life like. Not every day is a good day so are runs. I felt really tired back in April so I put off running for awhile. When I tried to train again, life seemed to drop another notch lower. It was a period when I think, how much lower can life get? 

It is times like this that I observe silence. If I have nothing good to say, I shan't. By this time, I'm writing this back-dated post, life is already heading up again. Whoopie!

On the Penang Run Series back on 12 May 2013, I was already tempted to give up by 2nd km - how early. At the finish, I recorded 3 hours. Slow, I know but hey, I got my medal, I finished my run, I tried to smile despite the hurdles and tears. It was my first half marathon of 2013. 

One of the best thing about this run was that it took place at home and I never had an idea where Teluk Kumbar was. Being able to run there on foot, felt really great. 

The hard earn medal.

The lucky number.

I got caught on camera. A very strained neck and shoulders.

The starting line at Esplanade.

Was wandering around when I heard my name. Bumped into these boys.

Lucky colleague won a bicycle. <3

Tada. George and his new foldie! Hard Rock magic.

Came back to be greeted by a kiss at the back of my car.

Ended the day at the police station. Haha. Needed to lodge the report on the hit.

It's true not every day is a fantastic day but counting my blessing, there was my mom and bro and Leonard and colleagues and new friends found to make my day. However bad, there's a silver lining.

Lotsa love to life.

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Langkawi Island Ocean Marathon

Distance: 42km
Pace: 8'28"/km 05:55:23
Date: 21 April 2013
Time: 4.30 am
Location: Awana Porto Malai, Langkawi. Kedah

To think that on my 28th birthday in 2012, I treated myself to a backpacking adventure in Langkawi. Part of the adventure included running 17km at 11 am. Man, it was a hot one. It was my wish to run a marathon in Langkawi but from the reviews of seasoned runners, it seemed that Langkawi had a bad reputation for marathons. In the past, organizers had planned, postponed and cancelled off events without refunds etc, I heard but I can't be certain.

Well, suddenly there's a real marathon for me - right in Langkawi. If it wasn't a dream come true what do you call that? Again, I heard, that the run in Langkawi is in safe hands as it was organized by the organizer of River Jungle Marathon, the Marathon Shop. Magic happened and happens.

Flagged off at 4:30 am, running towards the airport, head tilted up, I was so mesmerized by the amount of stars there were in Langkawi. There were countless constellations - so romantic.

Before the race started, I heard a few persons saying that it wasn't an easy route. I had no idea what was in store for me. During the run, I met hills after hills - long stretch. At one point, a guy side, "This is already the peak anything after this is downwards." I couldn't be more relieved.

Well, very close to the finish, there was one more steep hill. My mind went berserk immediately. Then a famous running photographer ran beside me up that slope and told me, "Cannot stop until you reach finish. Cannot stop. Cannot stop." You have no idea how big a difference those words were to me. Thank you.

The pretty medal. Volkswagen for the win!

My lucky number in Langkawi!

In the wee hours, we reported at the starting line.

Finishing! Damn it. I finished it! The mad and endless hills.

Yes, for all the runners out there. There's every reason to be proud.

Indeed, Keep Calm and Lari Marathon. There's nothing better than this.

New friends found. Runners are always friendly and full of joy.

A cute guy. One of the friends we meet on the road. :) We run everywhere, yeah!

It was my 28th birthday when I came here with Chris. Reminiscing great times.

The famous Cenang Beach during sunset. I can't get enough of you.

Look at the amount of stuff my cousin made me buy.

The beautiful place that was my refuge during my time in Langkawi. 

This trip to Langkawi had been a very blessed one. See you again, Langkawi.
Felt so good to meet a dear old friend again after so many years.

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My First Sport Injury

The place to go to treat injuries.

First time for everything! My first injury came from cycling NOT running. *evil laughter*

I was cycling towards Balik Pulau and did an acrobat on my bike and tada - a fall! 2 spots on my right elbow and 1 spot on my right hip and yes, a crushed shoulder and chest. Too scared to cry and trying not to laugh, I tried to mount my road bike - just to find that it was bent. Innocently, I stood by the road side and waved at some passerby cyclists.

D: Hey, I fell down and my bike's bent, can you please fix it for me?
A: You okay? Let's go to the coffee shop - to wash off your wounds.

So thankful for the saviour! I still remember his name is Jason. After the drink at the coffee shop, I tried to cycle a bit more. My friend came with his ambulance and packed me back to my car. Throughout the injury, I learned to smile despite the pain and focused on healing instead of the blood. A friend asked me to suck it like a man and I did with minimal complaints. Couldn't lift up my arm, I had to make do with eating and driving with my left arm. I think all I needed was an OKU sticker for my car.

A conversation with my brother while he was nursing my wounds went:

D: Did you hear about my fall?
B: Yeah, from your mom.
D: What's your opinion?
B: Expected. Haha.

I didn't treat my shoulder injury as there was a duathlon and marathon coming. By the 15th day, after I completed the Malaysia Women Marathon, I finally brought myself to a sifu. This place recommended by my relative is located in Farlim, Air Itam.

The Experience

A: Is it painful here? Here? Here?
D: WTH!!! Very very very painful. ARGHHHH!!
A: Okay, lay down.
D: *laid down and sifu bent my right arm backwards. Loud cracking sound from the shoulder and chest* ARGHHHHHH!!!
A: All your nerves were out of place. It is bad.
D: How bad? Rate from 1 to 10.
A: 7 bad, 8 onwards means bones fractured.
D: Will the shoulder nerves affect the legs? Why did I run so slowly?
A: *eyes rolling* Okay, let me check for you.

He bent and pulled me like a doll and more loud cracking drumming sounds came from my spine/back and both legs. We were amazed how it affected my whole body and further reconfirmed my BAD nervous injury. In the next couple of days, I would experience mild numbness on my right hand.

My brother was standing by the door as the sifu bent and cracked me up - literally. Loud, he said. By now, I'm glad it is almost over. Did 2 runs after meeting the sifu. I could breathe and I could run. Sometimes I think I took things for granted. Must have forgotten to say my thankful prayers to my breathing lungs and my propelling shoulders and my running legs. So thank you to all!

The shoulder experience.

I must have learned a lot in the past month. 

On pain

That I can suck it like a man and focus on nothing but healing. Psychologically, it helped a lot. Considering I had the duathlon and marathon in tow which were one week apart. If I had whimpered and stuff, I might just not pull through both events.

On Family

They are my main pillar of care, comfort and love. I still recall how my brother nursed my 3 wounds and how he took me to the sifu in the evening to sort out my shoulder. On my mom and aunt, they were quick to provide necessary medication and attention. From my beloved cousin sister who bought me gauze when I was wounded. 

What would I be without my family?

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Malaysia Women Marathon 2013 (MWM)

How I got Myself into This?

When I first heard of the Malaysia Women Marathon, news came from my darling fellow runner when we were in Yangon, Myanmar back in January.

My initial reaction was, "So I registered Langkawi Ocean Marathon and Borneo International Marathon which are two weeks apart and now there's MVM in Shah Alam. Can I handle 2 marathons in a month?" The next part of the fun was that for anyone doing a half or full marathon, one can bring in a male pacer.

I tried my luck with this runner and I popped The Question, "Would you be my pacer for the MVM?" and his reply was, "Yes, if it is a full marathon."

I slapped my forehead.

There was a lot of good feeling towards this run - first women marathon, first time running with a pacer, first time running in Shah Alam, first time meeting the legendary Kathrine Switzer who made marathon possible for women.

Here comes all the hard work, tears, pain and breathlessness.

The Arrival and Race packs Collection

So we arrived in Shah Alam with minimal sleep. At I-City, Shah Alam, where we collected our race packs. The set up was gorgeous and we carbo loaded again while meeting sweet sweet familiar faces of beloved fellow runners.

Capital FM and Nestle Fitnesse.

The Stage and a nicely designed girl power MWM background.

Finally, we got our pretty bibs.

On the run...

Everything went well and the morning of the run was awesome. A friend came to pick us up from the Hotel. It was early when we got to the starting line. Photos here and there. 

The route was hilly through out but the weather was consistent and gorgeous, very very lovely weather and as my friend put it, "Best weather ever for a running event." There were a lot of water stations and every kilometer there is a marker. A very organized run and I can't help thinking this is girl power!

Love this photo booth.

Probably a very early stage of the run when I was still managing my breath.

And came times when I felt like I was going to die...

My very kind pacer who took care of me during the entire run and post-run too. I can't be more thankful to have him around. 

With Kathrine Switzer. She asked if I wanted to take my sunnies off and I said, "I'm too shy." One turn back, my friends were laughing at me. o^.^o

Friends are gold!

And more friends. :D

The Yangon Marathon gang. Only Zet was missing from the photo.

It took me a while to write this post because there's some "emotional" issue I needed to tame. I have always been an independent runner, I barely have a competent running buddy or even sifu. Serious trainings were done alone. Goals and expectations were all set by myself and if there was any disappointment or celebration, I was accountable.

Coupled with stubborn allergy and a bad fall-off-the-road bike injury, I wouldn't imagine that it would disrupt my running performance. In a corner of my heart, I felt sorry that I disappointed my pacer with my timing but to me, as a girl, 5:42 is acceptable. Looking at my half-dead photos, I really have no doubt, I did my best. There was a point when I kicked some stones and I almost fell down. Pacer said he wouldn't push me any more because if anything were to happen, he would feel guilty... 

First Time for Everything

In conclusion, I can only say I'm super grateful that I've got a pacer to run with me. Felt like a princess for once. Having started the year with a marathon PB, this MWM is a fall. I think nothing can be more emotional than running. You win, you lose. You can be first, you can be last. Having a bad timing doesn't hinder me from running. In fact, it makes my running life more colourful and look forward to the next run - Langkawi Ocean Marathon.

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Duathlon: A First Attempt

I had little time and even lesser training. They said BRICK and all that happened was STRESS and FREEZE.

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